Friday, April 13, 2012

Who Will Catch Him if I Fall?

For the past three or four months we've had a fantastic counsellor from our local children's mental health agency coming to the house every week to work with Bear on his anxiety. He took to her immediately, as did I. He looked forward to her visits, as did I. But now they're over, and Bear's going to be sad. And so am I.

Our counsellor and I had a big talk when she was here yesterday about next steps for Bear, and we came to the conclusion that Bear needs to get a little older and a little more mature before we can move to the next level of therapy. Bear might be almost 7 years old, but kids with ADHD are actually two to three years behind their peers in emotional maturity, which means that in some respects we're actually dealing with a 4 or 5 year old. The concepts involved in overcoming anxiety are quite complex and require a fair amount of self-awareness, and he's just not there yet. Together she and I decided that at this point it's probably best if TheODDDad and I continue to work with Bear using the tools we've learned until he's a little older.

I don't know how I feel about being told there's nothing more she can do for us. One one hand, it's encouraging because she's telling us that we're doing a really good job and don't need her anymore. We're not being told to take parenting classes, we're not being told Bear needs psychological help...we're being told that we're good parents and we have it under control. On the other hand, it's scary. I don't want to do this on our own. I liked having someone come into my house on a regular basis. It made me feel safer, like someone was holding the back of my bike as I learned to ride it. Now I feel like someone has taken my training wheels off and gone back in the house, leaving me with no choice but to figure it out on my own. Part of me is glowing with pride that someone has enough confidence in my abilities to leave me on my own, but the other part of me is scared of falling off my bike.

Except there's no bike. If I fall, I don't just get a scraped knee. If I fall, I bring my beautiful Bear down with me. If I fall, who's going to catch me? If I fall, who's going to catch him?

6 comments:

  1. It's okay to fall. Kids are resilient, even Bear. Sometimes the falls/fails are blessings in disguise. In fact, that's often the case. Loving him and doing your best is enough. Really. I promise.

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    1. Thanks, Margit. My brain knows that we're going to be OK and that nothing has changed, but I still felt kind of naked after she left, like someone had stolen my security blanket.

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  2. You put into words exactly what I was feeling when we lost our behavioral therapy for our son(FASD/ADHD/ODD). It has been a couple of months now and things are going ok, but it was so nice to have another adult(who isn't so emotionally invested) to help guide us. Good luck on your journey, I'm sure you will do fine!

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    1. Thanks, Keslers. I know we were fine before she came and I know we'll be fine now that she's gone. She was only working with Bear on his anxiety, so it's not as if we lost someone who was guiding us in all aspects of our parenting. But still...

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  3. THat is so so so so hard to swallow. That there is noting else that they can do. I'm so sorry mama. Sending you love and strength. xoxo

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    1. There will hopefully be more they can help us with as he gets older, but that's it for now. It is kind of hard to swallow, but I also know it's true. It sucks, but such is life, I guess.

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